you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
