evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
