Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
