so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
