If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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