This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
