I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize