i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
