can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
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do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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