I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
