I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
