My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
