we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
