where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I want to be your penis for a week.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
