why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
