Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
