so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
