I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
