I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
