I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
