One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
