I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
