Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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