I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
