I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize