He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
home. puking in laundry basket.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
