you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My cat gives me a boner
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
