so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
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