May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
