TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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