have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
