you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
