I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
