Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
