broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
