sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
