my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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