like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I am available for nakedness
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
