i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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