I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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