Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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