When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm at about main and main street
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
