I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
