My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
