Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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