I will die if light touches me.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
