Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize