Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
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This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
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Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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