People with herpes should wear stickers.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
