I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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