My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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