i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
