What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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