You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
