I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
