tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
