This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
