dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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