Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize