I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
