I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
