It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
