So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
