Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
