my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
