Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
