A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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