Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
