I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
