The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
